Bingo! My Identity

 Since my childhood, I was grappling with the question of "Who am I?", envying every single person who was very confident of who they are to the extent that they claimed their identity. This question was so constantly nagging me that in a certain period of time, I used to define every person that I meet and encounter. This is how the conversation in my head would go:

"What could be this person thinking?"

 "I am XXXXX, I am the father/mother/son/daughter of yyy. I am a uuuuu by profession. I love to eat zzzz, and love the activity lllll...." 

"That is well known. Does a person always think about what they have and what they do? Do I think about this all the time?"

"Not really. Then, what would they be thinking?"

So goes the conversation long and deep within my thoughtpool.

I have been very very concerned about my identity in the longest run. Who am I? what is the purpose of my life? What am I good at?yada, yada....

In this quest, I try my hands at 1000 different things. I try to support worldly technological advancements, I try to uphold my filial duties, I try my hands at art and painting, I try my hands at coding, I try my hands at writing, I began to read a lot, I began cooking very ambitiously, I began baking, I build a lot of relationships - mind you, I deliberately "do unto others what I want to be done to myself". In all these, often the most ignored person is me. I torment myself by pushing harder.

Yet, I didn't succeed in discovering my identity. I envy every single person who confidently claim who they are and who have clarity in their purpose. 

Only recently do I realize that nobody can have a single identity, and "life" should flow like a river. We need to replenish ourselves (albeit without judging ourselves) and identity is evolving. that "one has to kill oneself and be born again recurrently"- holding on to a single identity forever means stagnant waters. And stagnant waters are stinky!