[Gratitude 8] kindness

 Yesterday was the round 2 badminton match. Unfortunately, you had lost 3 matches in round 1. I am anxious about your every loss, while you always take it in stride.  I insist that you learn your lessons from failure - you are young and don't have to always be on the learning curve you can just be, but I'm impatient and anxious, all the time. 

Day before yesterday before sleeping, you remarked, "I need to somehow win tomorrow". You were supposed to play 4 matches. All singles. Match 1: you made many outs. And I screamed your name in the middle of the match. After the match, you came to me and politely said that my name calling made you nervous. I understood and avoided watching the subsequent matches because I don't want to heap it upon you. 

At the end of every match, you call me up to inform your win. It's so cute. At the end of match 2, the other boys in your court (supposedly competitors) were discussing- one guy told me pointing at you, "he will get the gold". I replied, "we can't decide that now, he has to play 2 more matches. Regardless of who gets the gold, everyone  playing here is gold.". He smiled. And they continued conversation among themself. 

I didn't witness you playing match #3 or  match #4. As I got news of your win in #4, against the aggressive player, I walked in behind the cardboard screens. You came running to me and announced your win. I walked over to your court and the two boys were stilll clapping and cheering for you. Apparently one of them is the younger brother of your aggressive opponent. He was all glee cheering your win. 

Dear kutta: this is the precious lesson to remember. People may forget what you did or achieved- (I can't name Olympic winners or novel prize winners, save a few), but t they'll be drawn to your kindness and will cheer for what they are drawn towards. Be the magnet that attracts all goodness and goodwill. Emerge as the leader you were born to be. 

2K 25 Reunion

A bunch of caterpillars

Traversed from afar off

To a tiny unpopular pasture:

Entered as novices,

To be trained by no-vices;

Explored the pasture

Crawling from corners to corners:

Lengthwise, breadthwise, diagonal

Shouldering each other,

Trampling over each other,

Sometimes standing over another's shoulder,

To see the world near and beyond.

After supposedly having been trained,

They set out on a journey,

Far and beyond:

Wiggling through crevices 

Wagging their tails,

Fighting their way through

Building their cocoon,

Transforming inside out

They look back at their journey

And yearn for the pasture:

The pasture that allowed them be,

The pasture that gave a piece of freedom

The pasture that let them grow

The pasture that quietly groomed them 

They returned to that green

Feeling younger and replenished 

Shedding away the iron column

That had built into themselves

Becoming more flexible,

For it's the only place

That's devoid of judgements,

Devoid of responsibilities,

Where one can just be.

[Gratitude 7] Peace

 Had a early morning wake up. My first thought of the day was, "What is the purpose of my life? What should I be doing instead of rambling and loitering across like this? It's like cattle grazing - I try this, I try that to eventually not get deeper into anything. This seems so characteristic of me that I find it completely impossible to focus on one thing and make remarkable progress in a direction."

Then came thoughts about the recent backbite - the harshest of them all. I am thankful for the backbite in 2019, as the undercurrents of this river seems bearable as I have crossed that stream. While I can be thankful, I am left with a lingering question - what do backbites serve? What is the purpose of this in the first place?

To evade these thoughts, I begin binge watching - tried movies and closed up, tried some YT and closed up, then tried HeartBeat and completed 4 episodes. Well, it was early morning by that time and had to get to regular routine subsequently.

This had tired me ssso badly, so I hit the bed around 12. Was worried about an inevadable sleep, but I closed out all digital devices and it helped. I dozed off a bit, with an amla in hand. After a phenomenally long time, had a vivid dream - with 19-A RP Street as the venue. 

I am seated on the floor in the kitchen, beside the cement bench that holds the pots of water. Food is being served and all three RP daughters are seated, only 1 attends with family. 1 beings provoking, and I silently munch my food. 1 keeps provoking with overpouring support and I maintain my silence. Frustrated, 1 beats her dress unsuccessfully. Later, 2 gets provoked and replies - a little while later I chide her, which is noticed by 1's heir. 

I don't raise my head to see any of 1's family. This continues, and unsuccessful, 1 makes a loud remark and lies down on the bed in the hall, covering herself in bedsheet. I leave with my bags to CBE - nobody accompanies me. Initially I go to the town bus stand. With no bus in sight, I look at my watch and it is already 9PM. I decide to take the private bus and walk my way across through the alleys - and am not able to locate the bus stand. 

As the alley is too dark, I walk through a housing quarters - well-painted, individual concrete houses scattered in all directions, but an enveloping circumference of common space/foyer with steps that raise up to the adjacent road. It was a sight to behold. I am multi-emotional: anxiety of finding the bus in time, awe of the housing colony/quarters, heaviness of the bag. I saw myself in aeriel view here and I look so energetic though. I spot someone (probably VNV) talking short strides in the foyer holding a baby, probably, attempting to make the baby sleep. As soon as he sees me, he enquires after me, invites me home. I walk into their home and spend a very little happy time there. Then, we walk together to find the bus aisle - I hear the sound of horn and follow it, to eventually, find the bus. Thankfully, the bus hadn't left and I board the bus. 

With this dream, I woke up. I realize the need to be silent. If they make loud remarks and win, so be it. No amount of fighting, no amount of proving would help. Just remain silent. Atleast peace remains.

[Gratitude 6] The warmth of strangers

Had been to the public administration office. It was a joy to see the document delivered by a mechanical robot. Before my smile could vanish, I was enthralled by the conversation with the woman officer. 

"Which part of India are you from?"

"Tamilnadu"

"Oh! Tamilnadu? எனக்கு சூர்யா மாப்பிள்ளையா வேணும்"

I was much amused by this. And she continues

"Anney, roti prata குடுங்க"

Finally, she hands over my document and goes, "மிக மகிழ்ச்சி."

I'm even more impressed and tell her, "of all days, I'm glad that I'm being invited by this warmth. I'm particularly glad that I received this root document from you".

That's when she reveals, "I learn a few statements in the national languages. It doesn't take a huge effort, but it makes people of other ethnicities more comfortable and more welcoming."

What a beautiful soul! Thank God for this heart of warmth and embrace. 

[Gratitude 5] Freedom to shut down people

 I thank God for the freedom to shut down people who are causing a heartburn, who are revelling in negativity, who try to pull me down with their baseless allegations. 

Repent, for the Kingdom of God is near