Sinned and doomed

Nobody would be so faithful:
Despite the several tantrums,
Nobody would be so transparent:
To the extent of demonizing oneself,
Nobody would spend all the time
Talking and doing nothing tangible,
And yet say, it's the best time to have.
I found that raw love:
That appreciates, adores, fights and criticizes.
Yet, I 'choose' to ignore and insult:
For, joy is my forbidden fruit
For, i once sinned,
A forbidden pleasure,
A forever stink:
An unnerving, nibbling err:
The sin that sticks to me
Like another skin.
And to experience the joy of love,
Means to experience the shame of pleasure.
The impenetrable wall:
That covers me around,
I carry laboriously
Shooting out goodness.
In the well of life,
That has unending goodness,
I am doomed to pick
Only Filth and famish.